It's War

Well, as some of you might have noticed, I haven't been posting on here twice weekly like I had originally committed, let alone daily posts.  As I was sitting quietly this morning, the things that have been happening in my life played themselves out in my brain.  Some of you already know these things, but I'm on my third antibiotic for a sinus/bronchial infection that just will not go away, the electrical outlets in our kitchen were malfunctioning which caused us to have no telephone for two days, work became more demanding, and this was on top of the already business going on in our lives.  Some of you might be thinking - okay, so what???  So she has an infection, and her kitchen outlets weren't working, work is always demanding, and doesn't she have a cellphone?  What's the big deal???

You're so very right - what's the big deal??  But some of you who experience things such as losing keys (and you know who you are, ahem!), being late for work or a meeting, sitting in traffic when you're already late for an appointment allow the little things to ruin part or even your entire day.  And to be truthful, most times it IS the little things that infiltrate our lives and steal our joy. 

When I was in my 20s, I had bought a new brand new, shiny, red Acura Integra.  I had allowed my sister to drive my brand new, shiny, red car while I was in a class at Pitt.  When class was over, I came out of the building, saw where Cheri had parked, and started walking toward the car.  Immediately, she popped out of the driver's seat, and very quickly came around to the passenger side of the car.  Visibly upset, she blurted out, "Alesia, I'm so sorry, I wrecked your car!!!" and she began to choke up.  I looked at the front of the car, it was fine, the sides seemed okay, it was the back bumper that had been smashed in - she didn't see a 3-foot pole behind the car when she was backing up and hit it.  Believe it or not, I didn't freak out.  I looked at the damage, which really wasn't much, looked at Cheri and told her it was okay.  It wasn't a big deal.  We got in the car and went on with our lives. 

Okay, now before you start thinking that I'm a saint for not really getting mad, I need to admit something to you.  I've always been "pretty" okay (not perfectly okay understand because I'm human) with the big stuff.  It's the little stuff that will drive me over the edge.  Jack, my husband, can attest to this and so can my close friends.  He lost his job a week before our wedding.  Sure, I was concerned but I knew he would find another one and he eventually did, but don't let me come home from being out for the afternoon to find the kitchen filled with dishes that weren't there when I left - you'll definitely see steam coming from my ears. 

We all know who Satan is, right?  John 10:10 describes Satan as the one who "comes to steal, kill and destroy."   There is such a thing as spiritual warfare - it's real and it's powerful.  1 Peter 5:8 tells us, "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary, the devil, as a roaring lion, walks about seeking whom he may devour."  Now I'm not saying that every little thing that happens in our day is caused by the devil.  Oftentimes our flesh and our free gets us into sinful situations, but when one circumstance after another after another postpones what God's will is for our lives, let me tell you, it's probably the devil's warfare.  He does not want us to do what God's will is for our lives.  Ever since I started this blog, something seems to get in my way of writing it. 

The good news is the same verse, Ephesians 6:12, goes on to say that Jesus "came to give us life and have it to the full" which is awesome news!!  We don't have to be victims of Satan's power.  So how do we battle the warfare?  By doing what 1 Peter 5:8 above tells us - "be sober, be vigilant."  By keeping on and pressing through with continuing to read our Bibles - ooooh, the devil hates when we do that - by learning verses that we can recite when warfare enters our lives.  Ephesians 6:11 "Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil."  There are many good Bible studies on spiritual warfare, my personal favorite is Kay Arthurs, Lord, Is it Warfare?  Teach Me to Stand.  I had attended this study many years ago and really opened my eyes.  It might be worth pulling it out and perhaps starting a study.  If any of you who live close by would have any interest in this, give me a holler by posting here on this blog or emailing me at matoteks@comcast.net. 

Let me close by saying this - no matter what the devil or life's circumstances throws our way, everything we need for the battle is in the Bible - let's read our Bibles so we know how to stand - isn't that wonderful news? 

My prayer for us today:   "Lord, you are so good and we thank you for all of the blessings you have given us.  We know we can't stand alone in this world.  We need you and we desperately need your word, Lord.  Make us thirsty for your Word so that we may put on your armor and be ready for any battle."  Amen and Amen!!!

In Memory of Bonnie Patterson - please read even if you didn't know her

The entry below this introduction is from our friend, Jim Sydney, who lost his beloved Bonnie to breast cancer in June of this year.  Bonnie was only 52 years old.  After reading this, I asked Jim if he would mind if I shared his story with my family and friends and he, very graciously said yes, as I know a couple of you had lost your "loves" this past year.    

Jim has created a website called friendsofbonnie.org to help others facing the diagnosis of cancer.  Here, you can read about Jim and Bonnie's incredible journey from the time of her diagnosis to the current post that I'm including below.  Jim also includes a very vital link to read for those diagnosed with cancer and covers issues such as insurance coverage and suggestions when visiting your doctor.  There is another important link for caregivers or friends and family helping to care for someone diagnosed with cancer.  Please take a minute and visit the site and if you know of anyone who could benefit from Jim and Bonnie's words of wisdom, please feel free to pass the website along.  Jim's mission is to help cushion the emotional devastation that this disease produces. 

Whether or not we have experienced this kind of tragedy in our lives, we need to know that God is our strength.  My prayer is that each and every one of us draws strength from the Lord every single day of our lives but especially during the storms.   

This is not only a story of courage, but an incredible love story and is the epitome of how Jesus wants us to love...unconditionally and unselfishly.  I will caution you before reading Jim's story - grab a lot of Kleenexes!!!  

And now, here's our very couragous, very talented friend Jim's story... 

09/22/11 This event transpired Sunday 09/04/11. I mentioned it to a few close friends and they unanimously thought I should share this experience. I hope it helps others that can relate to a "connection".

It was not planned.
I woke up Sunday morning and knew exactly what had to be done.
I set about collecting my bike gear, disassembled the tandem, (bicycle built for two) and mounted it to the car rack.
I grabbed a screwdriver and silently walked upstairs, then pensively, disassembled Bon's urn.
Inside it was plastic bag not unlike the kind that you would put wholesale candy in. It had a dogtag / serial number and was secured with a twist-tie binding it shut. Somehow I felt there should have been something more ornate about the internal containment. It seemed so industrial but it is what it is. That too can not be changed now.

So this is it. I've come to this point.
The mineral essence of Bonnie was now in front of me. I could not help but be impacted by the fact that it is really true. We do weight but a few pounds without water. So just what is "life"?
Back to my task.
I knew that I was going to take her ashes with me.
Bonnie liked to ride our tandem at the Moraine State Park's paved trail. We would ride to the end of the trail, then sit on a particular bench. The bench was inscribed with a plaque. " In loving memory of my husband Bob. We spent many happy hours riding this trail together". The bench and inscription were present before Bon was diagnosed. Long ago we had been immediately touched by the inscription's sincerity and looked forward to visiting this bench. Typically we would have a snack while watching the birds and boats from it's vantage.

Dare I touch the ashes?
Yes.
I wanted to be the transferring agent. The link between here and there.
I grabbed a 'baggie" and carefully untwisted the dogtag, then placed my hand into the ashes - and it hit me. At first I was appalled by the grittiness - reminiscent of pestled bones and teeth- and then the flood gate opened. In a moment a thousand memories flashed to the surface.
Good.
Bad.
All of them almost at once and I broke down crying in sorrow not entirely for my personal loss, but mostly for the unfair circumstances that had been dealt to Bon. She was a wonderful person and a tremendous loss to many people. She didn't deserve this.

I sealed the baggie, placed it in my backpack, sealed the urn and returned the urn to it's resting place.
The drive to the park was uneventful. My eyes stayed dry. I felt comfort in my mission.
At the park I assembled the tandem and hit the trail.
This particular tandem is quite striking with a large, flat black frame with chrome wheels. It looked like a .... hearse!
I was going to ride the tandem in the fashion of the "unmanned horse".
There would be no rear passenger.
As I rode the 7 mile distance one person called to me... "Hey you forgot somebody". Lacking whit but having focus, I yelled back...
"no I didn't. She's right here..". and I tapped my backpack. I know they had no idea what I spoke of. It was not one of my more comedic moments.

At about mile marker 6 of the seven miles to ride I found myself fast encroaching upon a group of older riders. We exchanged short pleasantries as I slowed and passed through their group. Mile seven arrived and the bench was soon in front of me. A lady was sitting on the bench looking out over the lake. I tried to stay distant and allow her the quiet moment that she sought. As she arose I knew it was my turn.

What was I going to do?
How was I going to do this?
I had felt no need to plan and now I had my moment to....
I took off my backpack, read the inscription on the bench's plaque, and placed the backpack where Bon would have been sitting.
I sat for a moment waiting for inspiration.
Then, without hesitation, I removed my glove, reached into the backpack and removed the baggie.
Upon opening the baggie ashes were placed in an impromptu amount around the bench.

While walking around the bench I became aware that the group of older people I passed earlier at the 6 mile point were now present. They were seated in the surrounding benches behind me, sitting silently, watching.
I instinctively felt that they knew what was going on. I dared not make eye contact as it was taking all my control to keep from crying aloud.

There were still ashes in the bag.... now what?

The wind at this location usually blows inward from the water to the shore. This places the flow of air in your face as you view the water. The wind today was reversed. I could feel the air flowing through the back of my helmet... strongly as if a fan were placed inches from my head.

Standing at right corner of the bench and facing the water I tossed the now silken ashes into the air. Perfectly they evaporated like smoke carried into a breeze and over the water. A second pinch was perfectly thrown from the center of the bench, and the final perfect amount remained for the dust to carry away from where I was standing at the left side of the bench. "A trinity" came to mind.

I sat on the bench, and ate a granola bar in honor of the traditional snacking done at this bench.
The wind was increasing. The air was streaming through my helmet vents to point that it could not be ignored. The sun was shining and the waves were now unusual.
The sunlight was reflecting oddly on the water. At first it looked like a few candles that had their stems illuminated as well as the flame. The visual impression was somewhat like a upside down U or ^ stretching upward. At first there were a few, then within seconds 10, 100, 1000, 2000, 10,000 the lake was aglow with incredible light. It was an absolutely amazing experience that transcends description. I grabbed a tissue to wipe my nose and suddenly I knew.

It was time to move on.

I stood slowly and once again avoided direct eye contact.-out of self preservation.
In my peripheral vision I could see the others look, and not look.
I mentally thanked them all for sharing this moment.

Upon approaching the tandem I observed that somehow, somewhere on the way from the car to this point, a pedal had spun off the crank and the pedal was now missing. The thought occurred to me. Yes, I am incomplete, but I'm still whole. A part of this (bike) is missing but it will go on!

I climbed aboard the tandem and never looked back. A few emergency stops had to be made on the return ride to utilize the remaining soggy tissues as best as possible. I never did find the missing pedal.
The ride home was also uneventful, but the morning obviously was not. There was a sense of.... the word is not closure... but completion that settled upon me (us) and I was at a comfortable point of acceptance.

In Loving Memory of Bonnie Patterson, April 26, 1959 - June 25, 2011. 

Make Me!!

A few weeks ago, before I started this blog, I was watching Joyce Meyers on TV and she had a message that struck my heart so strongly - instead of saying, "God, give me..." Joyce dared everyone to say, "God, make me...make me into what you want me to be."  After her program had ended, I sat there mulling this over in my mind.  I wonder what would happen if I asked God to make me into what He wanted me to be?  I wonder what He'd have me do?  Would I be able?  Would I be ready?  I thought, "What could I, a middle-aged, work-at-home, mom of 2 boys and wife possibly have to offer God that He doesn't already have people doing for Him?"  And a little whisper in my heart replied, "Say it and see."  Closing my eyes,  bowing my head and gripping the arms of my chair, I whispered very softly, "God, make me into what you want me to be."  I opened my eyes.  I didn't feel any different, but then again, did He really hear me?  After all, I barely whispered it.  I turned my eyes upward through one of the skylights in my family room and searched the sky.  "Did you hear me, Lord?" I took a deep breath, closed my eyes again, and said it again but louder..."God, make me into what you want me to be!."  Wow, this was so freeing.  "God, make me into what YOU want me to be!!"  I won't have to worry about what I'm going to do with my life.  "God make ME into what YOU want me to be!!!"  God is in total control.  "God, make ME into what YOU want ME to BE!!!!"  I felt such joy and such freedom.  Over the next few days, an overwhelming need came over me to write.  This need was stronger than an itch that you can't reach.  It was a nagging, a tugging on my heart leading me to my paper and pen and then to the computer where this blog was born.  Was I scared?  Absolutely.  Terrified?  You betcha!!  Terrified of what  people would think.  Terrified of putting myself out there.  But all the while I knew this is what God wanted me to do.  He would equip me to learn how to blog and He would give me the right words to say.  After all, God used every day people to do great things in the Bible.  I'm sure Joshua was a bit shaky as he stepped into Moses's shoes, but what did God tell him?  "As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you." (Joshua 1:5).  Sometimes our "equipment" is hidden inside of us bursting to get out and sometimes our "equipment" doesn't show up until the very last minute, but God will equip us.  So, today, my friends.  I'm gonna dare you!!  I dare you to go to a quiet place today and ask God to make you into what He wants you to be.  Go ahead, I dare you, I'll even double-dog dare ya!!!  Don't be afraid.  But remember to have something close by to hold onto, because God just might start moving you right where you are!!